How to choose a girl for arranged marriage
Talking about the present scenario, it really looks like our ultra-modern and progressive generation would hardly ever get to know what actual love is. Today's generation is simply dwelling between break-ups and patch-ups and they are quite far away from the idea of arrange marriage and being a "one woman" man or "one man" woman. But still I hope there would be some people of our breed believing in traditions and culture. Usually there are two types of marriage in our society, first is love marriage in which both individuals fall in love and get married on the basis of that love and nothing else matters much and the second is arrange marriage in which two individuals get serious about getting married even before selecting their partners.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What To Talk In First Meeting For Arranged Marriage - Mayuri Pandey
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: WATCH THIS BEFORE SAYING YES TO ARRANGED MARRIAGEContent:
T he concept of arranged marriages has changed. And, not just for men. As a woman, ideally, your life partner should be someone with whom you can share interests and who will encourage your independence. As with any relationship, friendship is the key. Good communication from the beginning will help ensure that yours is a lasting, loving partnership. Let's take a look at how to go about looking for these characteristics in the context of an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are not like they were, say, 20 years ago.
If the couple says No, it's a No. However, when parents are involved, there will inevitably be some pressure as they can't help but give their opinion and advice," she adds. These days, couples often initiate the dialogue themselves, through matrimonial sites as parents may not be familiar with computers and end up being the ones introducing each other to their parents.
I feel this is the natural direction in which 'arranged marriages' are headed," says Chetna Johari, 27, a computer engineer who is presently on the manhunt. Girls have an equal prerogative to do so. Also, as women are now more career-oriented and financially independent, they are usually not in a hurry," continues Chetna.
The first thing to keep in mind is to make a list at least mentally of attributes you would want in your life partner, so you can focus better on your search. Depending upon your preferences, some factors that might be taken into consideration not necessarily in this order are -- job, salary, educational qualifications, appearance looks, height, weight, etc. It's best to spell out any preferences beforehand, so your parents can search accordingly and the list can be narrowed down.
This way, you will save your parents' time as well. Deciding to marry someone is one of the most important decisions of your life. If you are confused, unsure or awkward, don't fret -- so is the other person. Just a few things you can keep in mind when you meet your could-be significant other:. Dos : Wear something that is both flattering and comfortable.
Try meeting away from relatives. Choose a neutral venue like a coffee shop. Pretend that you are on a blind date and try to enjoy yourself. Don'ts : Don't approach the meeting with the mindset that you have to marry this person. Don't think you'll be sure to hate him either. Before meeting, try getting in touch with the person over the phone or through e-mail to prepare you, to some extent, for what to expect. During the meeting, keep an open mindset.
Relax and just be yourself. Don't hesitate to discuss important issues. Afterwards, think calmly and give yourself time to assess.
Although this meeting may not indicate if this is 'the' person you should marry, it can certainly tell you whether you want to get to know the person better and take a step forward. If, at any time during the meeting, you realise it won't work, keep your cool, be polite, and try to keep it as short as possible.
It's perfectly okay to ask any questions you have in mind. But remember, timing is the key. For example, it can be outright insulting and offensive if the very first question is 'How much do you earn, both net and gross? But, if the answer to a question is important in taking matters further, there is no harm in asking. Maybe the person you ask will feel offended.
But, when you are taking such an important decision, you have to take that risk. Isn't it better that they feel bad now, rather than you feeling worse later? General questions that could be asked once you get familiar :. Appropriate questions on the profession front :. Although researching the boy's background might seem painstaking, it is very important. As he was from a reputed family too, they didn't bother to ask about his habits.
It was only after marrying him that she found out he had a drinking problem," says Shalini. This was the case with Asha name changed , who married an NRI in the US only to discover, when she got there, that he had a live-in American girlfriend.
Thus, it would be wise to make discreet inquiries outside with the help of relatives and friends, with respect to his job, family background, age, education, habits, financial condition, medical history, lifestyle, etc. Definitely check the visa status. You may also ask for a proof of employment letter, request a medical test, etc.
Try calling discreetly at an odd hour to see who picks up the phone at night. You can hire a detective to do a background check this is expensive, however. If you have friends and family abroad, ask them to meet him and find out more," says Chetna.
Additionally, communicate regularly through email, phone, chat, etc. If my partner had a previous relationship, I would try and be reasonable and objective about it. It depends on many factors like the type of relationship, duration, feelings, etc. As long as it is a thing of the past and he is now committed to his marriage, I would probably not mind," says Shalini. Asking such personal questions will seem too embarrassing," says Rachna. Bhaskar Gupta, 29, a pathologist who had an arranged marriage last year.
If the boy's side feels offended, help by telling them that you are convinced about getting it done yourself too," says Chetna.
Isn't it better to be safe than sorry? The boys have been discovered to be HIV-positive later," says Dr. Today, more boys and girls are choosing to go together to a clinic and get the test done before marriage. Some experts advise on making a thalassemia test mandatory before marriage too, for couples in high-incidence states, on the lines of the Goa Government's plan for compulsory pre-matrimony HIV screening," he continues.
Finally, there should be mutual consent and understanding from both sides; only then can a marriage be sustained. Good arranged marriages occur when the parents support and help their children find life partners. Share your comments. What do you think about the story? Number of User Comments: Sub: RE: Good one. All suggestions are fine, but going for an HIV test is very difficult to be practiced in real life. Such kind of tests Posted by Bindu.
Sub: Pessimist.. Dear Bhavy, I appreciate your view. But for your kind Good News, Pessimists live shorter. Posted by Ganesan. Sub: Poor chap My dear.. Posted by aparna. Sub: Are u a man? Why are u so insecure about your masculinity friend????
When a guy is as stupid and rash as you its mandatory to get a HIV test Sub: Depressing but useful. Highly over simplified. But i admire the authors logic and practicality.
It does make marriage sound like an activity similar to buying a washing machine, but All Rights Reserved. Disclaimer Feedback.
First Comes Marriage
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures a professional matchmaker may be used to find a spouse for a young person. Arranged marriages have historically been prominent in many cultures. The practice remains common in many regions, notably South Asia , though in many other parts of the world, the practice has declined substantially during the 19th and 20th centuries.
T he concept of arranged marriages has changed. And, not just for men. As a woman, ideally, your life partner should be someone with whom you can share interests and who will encourage your independence. As with any relationship, friendship is the key.
Going for an arranged marriage? Here are the questions to ask on ...
These millennials appointed family members, friends and online matchmakers to choose their future spouses. An intimate look at modern-day arranged marriages. D ating in has devolved into a horror show of swiping, catfishing and ghosting—an endeavour so daunting that some Torontonians are skipping that step altogether and heading straight for the altar. For young people who are tired of the meet markets and seek partners with similar cultural backgrounds, arranged marriage holds an obvious appeal. And unlike in past generations, where the spouses-to-be often had no say in the prospect, these modern brides and grooms get veto power. We asked five Toronto couples in arranged marriages to tell us what it was like to fall in love after the wedding. Tillana: I grew up in a liberal Hindu household in India. I thought I could fall in love after marriage. By the time I was 28, I was considered old compared to most other Indian women who were looking.
7 Things I Wish More People Understood About My Arranged Marriage
F inished your studies, landed a job, and settled down? Like most other guys, marrying will probably be the next thing on your agenda. But, the dynamics of an arranged marriage have changed. Find out what the realities of this age-old tradition are, for a new generation.
As a first generation Iraqi-American born and raised in the U. I heard it from coworkers, hairdressers, and acquaintances, and it always gave me pause. My story was nothing like that.
Arranged Marriage: What to Ask a Girl in the First Meeting
Updated: August 8, References. An arranged marriage can lead to enduring companionship and love. Getting to know your bride-to-be before you marry will help you dissolve your inhibitions and begin your life together on a foundation of friendship and respect. Before tying the knot, choose a comfortable public meeting place like a cafe or park and start by asking her easy questions about her hobbies or her favorite foods.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Arranged Marriage First Meeting Questions You Should Definitely Ask
Getting married is an amusing feeling, but these feelings are multiplied when you have to meet a girl from the perspective of getting married. Although it is a difficult task, yet it is best to know what all a guy should and should not ask a girl. Well, last thing you would want is a stranger rolling out in laughter at your questions or worse, get beaten up! So, here are some questions that guys should ask to get to know the girl better before marriage. Always remember that just like you even the girl maybe nervous about this meeting. So, your best approach should be to start with questions that are general and can help you break the ice.
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